Today is my birthday, I am 36 years old. Now that is not too old by most standards…in youth ministry it is getting up there. When I go to youth conferences or to training websites and look around I see a bunch of tattooed, wild haired guys who never wore parachute pants or even knows what a pager was (early in my ministry I had a pager ministry). 36 is older still when you consider that I began in youth ministry as paid staff when I was 18! So I have been doing this for over 18 years. I have learned a lot over the years mostly the hard way because I was not smart enough to find an old youthguy and ask him what youth ministry was about…I knew it all and was going to blaze a new chapter in youth ministry…right next to Mark Yaconelli and Dawson Mcallister…you don’t know who they are? Oh my God!
Lesson 1 – Your pastor is not as useless/clueless as you think he is
Thinking through this blog I may very well call my former pastors and apologize. My own “My name is Earl” list. I was young, cocky and incredibly disrespectful. I more often than not saw my pastor as my adversary rather than my partner in ministry. He was the “old way” of doing things and just didn’t get “it”. Well some quick tips hopefully will help you not make some of the mistakes I have made.
1) Don’t think your responsibilities and his are the same
youth pastors have an enormous responsibility but when you act like the level of your responsibility is equal of that to the man that leads the vision for the entire organization you just make yourself look stupid. He has to deal with deacons/elders, budgets, big givers to the church, hard headed staff, everyone whos marriage is falling apart RIGHT NOW and needs you, and oh by the way his wife and kids. On top of that he has to preach to a crowd that won’t be impressed by games and funny stories so he has to you know…study.
2) Don’t think it is YOUR ministry
Average tenure of a youth pastor is 18 months and the average tenure of a senior pastor is 4-6 years. From a churches perspective you come and go…don’t come in declaring that it is YOUR vision for YOUR ministry and demanding freedom, money and facilities. Always remember it is the senior pastors vision for the church that you are executing in the area of youth ministry. If your vision does not line up with the senior pastors…line it up or move on.
3) Don’t line up support
If you want to give the enemy a foothold in your church then begin having conversations with the deacons like “You get it, why can’t pastor understand like you do?” Nut up and sell your case to your pastor. This will do several things. It will further communication between you and your pastor. It will hone in your skills at casting vision. It will let you know really quick if you guys can co-exist or not.
Now you might say, “yeah but Sean you don’t know MY senior pastor?” I would say you are right but I have served in Tiny, Small, Medium and Large churches with passive pastors and Alpha military pastors and my advice is the same…that being said there may be a time if your pastor is simply not Godly and does not lead well that you have to for your health dust your feet off and move on…but I rarely think that you should be there as the instrument of change. That is how churches split and there may be a youthguy out there that fits that pastor well and a pastor out there just waiting for you to fall into his office and show him the error of his ways.
Before you do that though may I offer a few suggestions:
1) Pray for your pastor
My relationship with my current pastor began to change when I committed to pray daily for him. Not pray that he would come around to my way of thinking but praying for him as a person. I asked him what specifically I could pray for and I would often email him prayers that I prayed over him so that he knew someone was praying for him. Prayer softens and changes hearts. Prayer makes it about Jesus’ kingdom not our own. I submit that before you leave or schedule a walk out…pray.
2) Try it his way for a while
I love the scene in “Days of Thunder” where Duvall makes Cruise race the car 50 laps his way then 50 laps my way…turns out going a little slower actually made him go faster and saved his tires…there is a lot of wisdom in that scene. Why don’t you spend a season doing it your pastors way…again he has probably been there longer and been through some youth guys who have made the mistake you are trying to make.
I am not a youthguy basher…I am a stupid youthguy basher. In my cranky old age I see young YP’s make the mistakes I have made and it makes me queasy. So, today pray for your pastor…thank God that he is there and serve with him and not against him. If you can’t, go to the youth specialties site and look for a job…it has probably been 18 months anyway.
Sean Rheaume 