In my continued series of my CHURCH PLANTING – ROAD RULES. I want to focus on the SEATS and MIRRORS. Your SUPPORT and your STORY.

ADJUST YOUR SEAT AND MIRRORS

I hate driving my wife’s car. Not just because she drives a white Kia minivan but because I will hop in, and it will take me forever to get the seat and mirrors the way I want them.  One time I got in the van and wasn’t going very far and just decided to leave them…big mistake. I think I almost caused half a dozen accidents.  

DON’T TAKE YOUR SUPPORT FOR GRANTED

Your seats are important because if you don’t have proper support you can get into big trouble. One time I was repairing my 1996 Jeep Wrangler and I had to fix the seat bracket.  Well, if you know me you know that last sentence really doesn’t compute.  I don’t “fix” anything. I play with tools and mess with stuff until I cry uncle.  Well, I cried uncle on I26 when the seat became unstable.  That is scary. You don’t realize how important your seats are until they begin to fail.  

How stable is your support?  I am telling you that as a church planter you will need support! 

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

I’m glad to see that this area is getting more attention.  There used to be a day where pastors were not allowed to show emotional weakness at all. To be depressed meant that you were not strong enough in your faith.  I was even told once by my pastor that a Christian can’t suffer from depression. So, I had to suffer in silence and sink in my chair when declared that from the pulpit.

Simple fact of the matter is that ministry is taxing on your emotions. You suffer through doubt, anxiety, frustration, anger, and often carry the weight of every counseling session, every decision, and every criticism.  It is brutal to your emotions.

You need support from your family, you need to have like-minded friends that you can decompress with, and you need a group of pastors that you can have as accountability.

FAMILY SUPPORT

Before you even think about launching this church you need to have your family’s support. I could stretch this thought out more but quite simply if your wife and kids are not on board or are even indifferent, I would hit the brakes until they are.  I know you are the priest of the home…that is fine, but I have seen so many marriages hurt, and some destroyed by the church because of the husband’s great kingdom vision and blinded to the pains of his family.  Conversely, I have seen pastors who were relatively meek in their approach soar because of the support system they had at home. 

My wife was my biggest supporter in the decision to plant Live Oak Church. She is with me every step of the way and quite simply no idea that I have is real until I discuss it with her first.  Now, you don’t have to have that kind of relationship but as much buy in that you can get from your wife as possible will help when you get to those lonely nights when you feel like you can’t go on.  When you feel completely unqualified…nothing replaces the holy spirit…but your wife should come close. 

FRIEND SUPPORT

I used to hate being asked, “what do you do for fun?”.  I do this for fun.  I like my job. However, over the years…I have realized how that has caused me to be less fun to be around and less relatable to people and quite frankly…grumpy.  One thing that I have grown to love is not very Baptist, but it has been so important to my emotional health. I love cigars, bourbon, and friends.  I belong to a cigar lounge.  I go there a few times a week and it is almost like a scene from the old TV show Cheers.  You go there and everybody knows your name. I have the opportunity to laugh, relax…AND…I share the gospel almost every time I am in there.

I am writing this in the cigar lounge with a Rocky Patel Vintage 1999 cigar. The friends I have here don’t care that I am a pastor, we don’t talk about church attendance, politics, or anything else.  It is important to have friends like this. 

PASTOR SUPPORT

Since 1996 I have always strived to have a group of pastors to meet with.  When I was a youth pastor, I had a group of youth pastors I met with…when I planted Live Oak Church, I began an accountability group with two other church planters.  Chris Blalock of Uptown Church in downtown Charleston, and Paul Coleman of Deep-Water church in Isle of Palms.  We got together regularly and shared successes and failure, celebrations and needs.  It was an important brotherhood that we needed greatly.  As I am transitioning out of church planting and into a more traditional church, I now meet with local pastors of two different denominations but serving the same goal to the same town.  We may have different ecclesiology, but we serve in the same town with similar struggles and challenges.

SPIRITUAL SUPPORT

One thing that is difficult when you first become a senior pastor/church planter is that you now oversee the spiritual direction of the church.  You are the one preaching every Sunday.  It is difficult for people to learn how to lead yourself or find a way to be led spiritually.  I have a couple of pastors I listen to.  I make sure that I read books, blogs and articles that stretch my thinking. You cannot rely on your sermon prep to be supports you spiritually. 

DON’T FORGET TO ADJUST YOUR MIRRORS

When you plant a church, it is exciting. Church planters are almost always creative, entrepreneurs, strong in casting vision, and good at seeing what’s ahead.  I am always thinking about what is ahead.  It is a blessing and a curse.  When I finish an event like Christmas Eve, Easter or an outreach event and it is a big success I have a hard time celebrating because my mind is already in the next thing. I not only need to work on celebrating the now…I need to remember my mirrors.

Life is a collection of moments. As I look back on my life there are significant moments that stick out that have made me the way that I am.  When I look back on my career, the successes, and the mistakes.  Those moments make me the leader that I am today. Throughout scripture when God did something significant, often it would be remembered by building an altar. What are the altars in your life?  What are the experiences where God taught you something significant?  

Don’t forget your past.  Keep your mirrors adjusted so that you can learn from what God has taught you.  So that you can remember that you are a sum total of the moments in your life. 

My middle child just turned sixteen and so the American rite of passage is upon me, the dreaded drivers license. 

I haven’t looked at a driver’s manual in 30 years…when I did, I noticed something.  I noticed a correlation between preparing to drive and preparing to plant a church. I’m going to share with you some of my observations about church planting through the lens of the driver’s manual…we will call it…ROAD RULES, journey to church planting. 

SECTION 1 – BASIC CAR MAINTANENCE

INSPECT YOUR VEHICLE

Before you get a car, you need to make sure that the car is road worthy.  You need to make sure that it can handle the mileage you plan on putting it through. You don’t want to be going 80 miles an hour down I26 (I can’t drive 55) and the wheels fall off!  

Before you begin this journey as a church planter…how are you?  Are you sure you are up to the challenge?  I have been a church planter for 4 years now and I have seen just as many flame out than I have actually stay planted.  Some move on to other ministries, some quickly get swallowed up by another church and some have wrecked marriages and gotten out of ministry altogether. 

Church planting mileage ain’t highway miles…it is hard, grueling work that if you are not healthy can mess you, your family and those who follow you up.  

When I began this journey, I was toward the end of a 26-year career as a youth/family pastor. ­­I lived in a beautiful suburb of Charleston, SC…James Island.  James Island was a wonderful island town near the city and the beach.  I served there for several years but was really getting a little long in the tooth for youth ministry. Next to James Island was Johns Island.  Johns Island for years has been a sleepy farming community until developers realized that they could buy up the farmland, cut down the trees and build tons of houses in neighborhoods and make a fortune.  Johns Island’s population grew explosively over the last ten years.  The people moving to Johns Island were from all over the country, expecting southern charm and hospitality but often receiving hostility and anger from those who grew up in this sleepy farming community and wanted it to stay that way.  I realized that there was a great need for a church to come into the community to reach those moving in and to help heal the divide between the two cultures.  

When I took the idea to my senior pastor at the time.  I won’t lie, I was shocked at the response.  Rather than seeing this as an opportunity to expand the tent of the kingdom work at that church I was met with a dismissive spirit. Quite literally, I was dismissed and forced to begin the journey feeling quite alone. 

Fast Forward 15 days…being part of the South Carolina Baptist Association, to plant a church one must go through a 2-day assessment. They evaluate your leadership style, your marriage health, your values, your strategies and your preaching.  It is quite thorough.  My wife and I were still feeling numb from how we left our church and were quite unprepared.  We got through the assessment and were told that we were NOT ready to plant.

DUH! We were an emotional mess! Our prayer life was affected (Were we hearing God at all?!?).  Our confidence was shattered, and we felt quite alone.   They placed me as a church planting resident with Restoration Church in Hanahan.  I stayed there for six months and healed and regained my confidence and vision. 

When I began this process my check engine light was one, my brake light was on, and my gas tank was on empty.  If I had not listened to those who were evaluating me and pushed through and began my church plant, I can’t imagine the casualties that would have ensued…but I am sure my family would’ve been one of them. 

Before you begin this journey…check your gauges.

• CHECK YOUR ENGINE – what is driving you? Is it ego? Is it necessity because you lost your job? Is it curiosity?  If it is any of those…your light should be blinking like crazy…the only thing that should drive you if you want to be a successful church planter is a love for the people, love for the community and most of all love for the gospel. 
• CHECK YOUR BREAKS – If you try to race through this journey, you will crash and burn. Check your brakes because there will be MANY times you have to pause…sometimes even stop.
• CHECK YOUR GAS – Keep your tank filled.  Keep your spiritual tank filled by staying in God’s word and in prayer.  Keep your emotional tank filled by keeping a sabbath and spending time with your family and doing things that you love. 

So, before you take on this journey…take a long hard look at your life, your marriage, and your family.  If you still feel like you are ready to plant a church…get some other people to take a long hard look at your life, your marriage, and your family.  If THEY agree that you are ready to plant a church, then you know you are ready to get in the car and drive.

“…Jesus Christ our Lord, through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among the nations,…” Romans 1:4b-5 (emphasis added)

Grace is the unmerited favor of God. There is nothing that you or I did to earn or deserve the love or favor of God. Yet there it is. Love, forgiveness and favor. Why? That doesn’t make sense. What it is represents the overwhelming love of God. A God that can look beyond your mess and see who you were created to be. But I go back to…why? Why does God bother to love me at all, have grace for me at all?

The reason is because without it there is no way to be reconciled with him. God desperately wants to be reconciled with you. God hates sin and he hates what sin has done to his creation and so through Jesus he has made a way for us to be made right with him. So, he gives us grace so that WE may be reconciled with HIM. He then implores us through our relationship with Jesus to then bring the obedience of faith to the nations.

That phrase “obedience of faith” is interesting to me. It seems to encompass the debate over works or faith to show our love for God. Some through their doctrine seem to believe that you must do good works in order to attain a level of godliness. Others lean towards the idea that it is through faith alone that you attain justification with God. I believe that this phrase points out that it is our faith that leads to obedience. Faith and obedience are intertwined like a rope.

Obedience to do what? Well, according to Romans 1…it is obedience for the sake of his name among all the nations. We must be obedient to live for his name, share his name, represent his name for all the nations. That begins in our homes. That then spreads to our workplaces and places of leisure and then when the obedience requires…to the nation and then the rest of the earth.

What do we do with Grace….obey.

In any organization but especially with churches one of the most difficult thing to navigate is transitions. The churches that grow verses the ones that don’t are the ones that prepare not just for the growth but the transitions between the stages of growth. In my experience there are a few numerical stages that seem difficult to attain but when you do there is often a difficult transition to get to the next stage. For instance, in my experiences as a youth pastor and a church planter I have always started in small environments. We started with about 20-25 people so our next stage was to get to was 50. However, as a ministry of 25…we ran ourselves as though we already were running 50. When we finally broke that ceiling of 50 we needed to ask ourselves “What does this ministry look like if we ran 100?” That question is the transition. In that question often requires shifts in teams, shifts in programs, shifts in methodologies…and shifts are often met with push back.

Why change what is working, people will ask. I like the way things are now, people will proclaim. So, as a leader here are a few things that I believe you can do to ease into these transitions smoothly (or smoother).

MOVE SLOWLY – Don’t call your team together Monday to declare a shift to the organization by Friday. The larger the shift the longer you should give yourself to turn. Bill Hybels says to think of it like the difference between a speed boat and a super tanker. One is small and can make quick turns, the other is massive and takes a while to make the same turn.

MOVE GENTLY – You can’t expect everyone to immediately (or ever) completely understand your decisions. So, be gentle in your explanations and in your responses to push back. Change is scary to some people and so you need to understand your team, encourage your team and guide your team.

MOVE CLEARLY – The best way to take the fear out of the equation is to be as clear as possible. Share the Why’s of the shift. Share the goals of the shift? Share the responsibilities of the team of the shift?

There are churches that didn’t want to transition…those are the ones holding onto their traditions and slowly decaying in their buildings. Transition is key to growth. Growing is hard. Thats why it is so rare. Comment below your thoughts or maybe some stories of transitions gone well or horribly wrong.

So, Sunday I had an “episode” between our two worship services.  My eyesight got blurry, I saw stars and almost passed out. I made my way to my office and collapsed in my chair. My wife and several others encouraged me to go to the hospital. Which, of course I didn’t.  Out of the abundance of caution (I hate that phrase by the way), I went to the hospital Monday night.  Turns out, besides being fat, I am fine.  My heart, cholesterol, blood pressure is all great.  What I suffered from is a panic attack.  It isn’t the first time this happened.  In fact in college I used to get stress headaches that would cripple me. I hate, as a pastor that I must confess this. The reason I am doing so is to implore you to take care of your mental health. Too often, mental health is ignored or mislabeled in the church. It is either labeled as demonic (which sometimes it can be) or even seen as sin for a believer to struggle with anxiety or depression. I sat in church one day as my senior pastor shouted from the pulpit that it was impossible for a Christian filled with the Holy Spirit to struggle with depression. So, I simply had to struggle in silence. So, I say now as a senior pastor, mental health is a real thing. Mental illness is just as real as cancer, as diabetes or a broken arm. So, if you struggle…get help. Talk to someone, take medication if you have to but I believe many Christians struggle simply because we fail to live as God called us to live. In particular when it comes to having a sabbath.   Take a sabbath. God knows what we need, and we need a day to rest and spend time in worship (not walking around singing and preaching), giving God some attention.  What this does is two things. 1) It places God in proper perspective – Too often we are the god in our own little worlds.  When we take time to focus on God, it reminds us that we must decrease so that he may increase. 2) It places Life in proper perspective – When you go hard all the time, it forces you to believe that EVERYTHING is urgent, when very few things in your schedule really are.  When you take a break, you slow down your mind, allowing you to focus more clearly.  Ironically, you will likely get MORE done by taking a day off.   I am not very good at doing this spiritual discipline.  Even though it is a commandment of God.  However, my life as a father, husband, friend, and pastor is too important for me to ignore what my body is obviously telling me. So, I will strive to be better at demonstrating a godly way of living through sabbath. I pray we will all do the same.

Getting it perfect is overrated. Don’t get me wrong I believe we should strive for excellence in whatever we do but sometimes when you focus so hard on getting something perfect it causes a level of stress that is just not worth it.

I read an article in Golf Digest a long time ago where Jack Nicklaus was giving advice on how to make the long putts. His advice was so weird.  He said don’t aim for the hole.  Too often when you focus on the hole, you over think your swing and hit it too soft or way too hard.  He said to draw a circle 1-3 feet around the hole in your mind and aim for that. Ironically, you will get it in the hole more often than you did when aiming for the hole itself. 

When we aim for perfection in everything we do, it sets us up for disappointment and burn out. Now don’t get me wrong I am not talking about not aiming for excellence. I’m talking about perfection. Chickfila aims for excellence but they don’t deny every now and then they give out a lemonade instead of a diet coke. We must give ourselves room for error.  We must give ourselves room for unexpected delays and unexpected results. 

We need to widen the circle. How?

• Be careful with deadlines, don’t allow the success or failure of your plan be hung on a deadline. Give yourself some room when you can.
• Don’t overreact to success or failure. If it was a good idea, it is still a good idea. Learn from trends not isolated events.
• Imagine it is the day after the event, what do you imagine you missed or forgot.

Just some things that I am working on. What do you think?

WHY ARE WE BAPTISTS?

We are defined by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which is the good news. The Great Commission Baptists are a cooperative of like minded churches whose foundation is the gospel of Jesus Christ and the mission of sharing that gospel throughout the world. By cooperating with thousands of other churches (the GCB is the largest protestant denomination) we are able to do much more with our tithes and offerings.

We are aligned in our theology. We believe that the scriptures are true from Genesis to Revelation. We believe in the triune God of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We believe that man has sinned and fallen short of Gods glory and that Jesus through his death and resurrection paid the price for our sins and all that call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. We believe that it is through faith not works that we are saved. We believe that salvation as a gift of God cannot be taken away by man. We believe that the Church is the bride of Christ and the communion of the saints is a necessary part of the spiritual discipline. We believe in baptism by immersion (that is what baptism means). We believe that one day the Lord will return and establish a new Kingdom. We believe that there is a hell and there is a heaven. We believe that all people are called to share the saving faith in Jesus Christ and to use their gifts and abilities to further the Kingdom of God.

We exist with autonomy….each church within the denomination is autonomous. In other words…how we function, how we worship, how we preach is not dictated by anyone other than the Elders of our local church.

WHY DON’T WE CALL OURSELVES LIVE OAK BAPTIST?

Because Baptists have a reputation. The history of the baptist church is riddled with abuse and racism…we acknowledge this and own the sin and repent and grow. Baptists are also seen as rather traditional in their worship styles and approach to society. Baptists are also seen by some as extreme in their political stances that may or may not align with the purposes of God.

WHY ARE WE GREAT COMMISSION BAPTISTS INSTEAD OF SOUTHERN BAPTIST?

In 2012 The Southern Baptist Convention adopted a name change to the Great Commission Baptist. Why? Well primarily as stated that the SBC has churches in all 50 states and all over the world. It is no longer a regional denomination as it was when it began. It also accents the core value of our denomination.

Many churches have tried to change the name in their congregations but many don’t like change or didn’t trust the motivation behind the change…as a church plant we don’t have to fight the battle of tradition by changing the designation

MYTHS OF GCB

Everyone is not a republican

We are racists

We are homophobes

Westview Baptist Church is part of your denomination

There has been quite a lot of talk this week about “unity”. President Biden tried to bring the very divided country together with a speech…the speech spoke often of unity. Then within a day he began to do things that others found quite divisive. Here is the thing…unity is overrated…it is unrealistic and since the beginning of humanity it has been elusive. It sounds good but God never called us to be unified…that is why I love this verse. “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2) Did you catch that? BEAR with one another…that does not give me the sense of unity…if I tell you that I am bearing with you…do you feel warm and fuzzy. Go ahead, tell your wife “honey, I am bearing with you.”, it won’t go well. God knows we are often not going to agree with one another. That is ok. We are better when we disagree, Why?

• It forces you to know what you believe (you have to be able to back up what you are saying and so you need to be knowledgable)
• It forces you to hone down what you believe to its non negotiables…as you debate with others…there are things you are willing to concede but you will learn what you are not…that is a good thing.
• It forces you to learn about other peoples ideas, cultures and thoughts

We are to bear with one another, not agree with one another…not even always like one another…bear with one another with patience and in love. Why?

• Be patient because you hope people are patient with you…persuasion takes time
• Be loving because the person that you are so frustrated with is also a creation of God and is worthy of the love, grace and mercy that God has given you.

I don’t want unity…I want people who are able to be humble, be persuasive, be gentle and be loving.

Let us reclaim humility and persuasion and do away with words for words sake.

What do you think?

2 years ago today was Live Oak Church’s first weekly worship service. It was considered a pre-launch because we still didn’t even have our own home yet. First Baptist Church Johns Island graciously allowed us to meet in their youth room on the second floor of their fellowship hall. I went into the day with much excitement, Audra and Eli had a great worship set planned. I had the first sermon series planned and ready to set the tone for our church! I should’ve known to reduce my expectations, that Saturday during our run through the sound board died…I tried to bum one off of some churches but to no avail…I ran to a pawn shop, bought one, ran back to the church plugged everything in and literally the morning of the launch we were finally ready.

I was so proud of our team. The worship team which consisted of Audra (my wife) and Eli a guy we contracted to play keys, they did an amazing job. My youngest was our tech team, she ran the lyrics. My oldest daughter led the kids program and she had it looking great. Our greeters Cindi and Dave were on point (they still serve in that capacity to this day). There was a spirit of expectation.

We had an aggressive social media campaign and were active in the community for 4 months leading up to the pre launch. I had modest expectations…but I did have expectations.

That morning…our team showed up, drank the coffee and ate the donuts (the first impression area was awesome). We were all waiting for those people to wander in…then the countdown for the service began…we looked around…and we were it. That first Sunday…our grand opening…17 people. I had no great pictures to take to celebrate the event…I would’ve been discouraged that no one called to congratulate me except that saved me from having to fane excitement.

That 17 people grew to about 12 when we lost 2 families almost immediately. I looked around and thought OMG what did I do?

Well, we met, we worshipped, we cried, we cried out to God…we made mistakes, we made assumptions, we made more mistakes, we learned, we began to grow, covid came, we adapted, we survived and here we are.

Over the next few weeks I am going to write some things that I have learned in these 2 short but very instructive years as a church planter. I believe it will help pastors of both church planters and established churches as well as possibly help those opening a new business…stepping out into something new.

Prayer…it is one of those things that everybody does, though usually out of desperation. Even mature christians find the spiritual discipline of prayer difficult to master. Funny because at it’s core it is simply talking and listening to God. We do that with our loved ones, we do that with our co-workers…heck we do that with people that we can’t stand. Yet, for some reason developing a consistent prayer life is one of the top struggles for the christian, according to a Barna research study only 69% of people claiming to be christians say that they pray regularly.

Why is it that we find it so difficult to pray? I have a few ideas…

DON’T KNOW HOW – Too often we don’t know how to pray. It was well into the ministry of Jesus before his disciples asked him “Lord, teach us to pray…”. It reminds me of the first time I went into a gym to work out…I wandered aimlessly looking at the machines and intimidated by them…I’d try one a few times and move on. Too often we just stumble through our prayer life…intimidated by the idea of talking with God. Over the next 5 weeks Ill be teaching through Luke 11:1-4 and unpacking what we know of as the Lords Prayer. One way that will keep you focused and in the right spirit is the P.R.A.Y. method.

PRAISE – begin your prayer with about 5 minutes in praise of who God is…his majesty, his glory, his love and presence.

REPENT – take some time to think about ways you have fallen short of God’s glory, drifted from his ways…this is called sin. Take some time to repent, this is simply a church word that means turn away from. With true sorrow turn away from your sin.

ASK – it is in this moment that you ask from God…by now in the prayer your spirit should be closely aligned with his and your asks will be the kind of ask that he would honor…instead of asking for God to smite your boss, you ask that God might soften his spirit.

YIELD – When Jesus was in the garden praying he concluded with “yet not my will but yours be done.” That is important in your prayer life…to end it how you begin…knowing that the prayer isn’t about God aligning with your demands but you aligning with HIS will.

DISTRACTION – Many of us are making the decision on the beginning of a new year to be more consistent with your prayer life…it is January 2nd. Have you messed up yet? Too often you sit down to pray and suddenly you are flooded with a hundred things that you need to be doing, or your cell phone blows up with messages, or your kids need something, or you remember that your favorite show is on, or you forgot to…eat. The best way to deal with that is to find a spot, a chair, a room and remove as many distractions as you can. I keep a pad with me to write down distracting thoughts that I allow myself to get to later. I also keep my phone away from me! If you have kids and laugh at the idea of being alone in the house…take a walk around the block and prayer walk.

DOUBT – When the Roman centurion came to Jesus and asked him to heal his son, his response to Jesus question of his belief was so strong…”help my unbelief” he said. It is amazing when we pray how the enemy will plant seeds of doubt. The reasons of the doubt may be because of your lack of faith in who God is or it could be that you can’t believe that God would care about you enough to listen. Both of those are lies from hell. Jesus loves you, he intercedes for you…so when you pray in Jesus’ name there is power there. Own it. Believe it. Pray it.

DEMANDING – I could probably find a better way to say this but I had to stick with the D words…too often we don’t pray on the regular because we are too demanding of God. We are impatient and we are rigid. We want God to answer our prayers now and we want him to answer our prayers in the way we want them answered. God is not a genie in the bottle. That is not how it works. When we pray in Jesus’ name, we are praying to align ourselves with him…not asking God to align with us.

As heirs of God we have access to the most high God and with that comes incredible peace and power…however too often we see prayer as a cathartic exercise instead of a time to connect with a loving God. I encourage you to truly develop a prayer life worthy of a christian and dwell in his presence this year.

Do you have other struggles or tips on developing a prayer life? Let me know in the comments.