House Divided – Parent response week 3

This week in respect for Single Awareness Day aka Valentines Day.  We focused on Love, not the mushy kind but Compassion.  In John 13:3-5 Jesus showed the love he wanted us to have for one another as he washed the feet of his disciples…in that culture an incredible act of service.  He said in verse 14 that he has set an example that we do as he has done for us.

Service is a window into God’s love.  As believers he commanded us to love.  If you think about it that is really the only reason you need to serve.  God told you to.  Jesus was the ultimate example in how to serve others…if you are unsure how to do it…read the story of Jesus.  God has also equipped you to serve.  We are all wired differently so we need to use the way we are wired to serve.

This message is crucial to the life of a family because we tend to take commands of God outside the home but rarely exhibit those characteristics inside the home.  Thus creating the Divide.

We must learn to serve one another…now parents I was your hero last night encouraging the students to 1) begin serving by doing what they are told 2) Think ahead of what is needed 3) Bless you 4) think of their own ways to help.

Now the flip side, find ways to bless your children.  Find out what their love language is.  Throwing money at them is not always the answer.  Stop, turn off the TV and talk.  Go somewhere and play (just not anywhere where their friends are…you are a parent!).

We must be compassionate and serve EACH OTHER.  Take the teachings of Jesus and make them work INSIDE your home and maybe we can bridge the divide.

House Divided – Parent response week 2

As we continue this series on bridging the divide in our homes we look at the ever constant struggle of communication.  Parents can sometimes feel that teenagers speak a different language that consists of grunts and shoulder shrugs.  Last night I challenged the students with some basic ideas about communication I used Matthew 12:33-37 and James 3:5-7.  The 2 main points I hit on were that 1) Our words reveal our character.  What is in your heart will come out of your mouth so to fix your mouth you must fix your heart.  2) Our words have consequences.  Our words have the power to hurt and the power to heal.  I also imparted into them that 1) what they say matters. 2) when they say it matters 3) how they say it matters.

Now Parents I want to challenge you as they work on their end to become better communicators how YOU can communicate more effectively with your teen.

1) Listen to your teenager – Don’t look for key words or phrases so that you can jump all over them.  Hear them out and listen for the who’s, what’s, when’s and where’s.  When your teen feels that you are genuinely listening they will open up far more than if you interrupt with interrogating practices that places them on the defensive.

2) Talk with your teen not AT your teen – Ask questions, and listen.  When a teen listens to a band that you don’t approve of or “get” talk to them about it.  Ask questions like, “What do you like about this band?”  “What are some other bands that you listen to?”.  If they see a movie you aren’t thrilled about, talk about it.  “What was it about?”.  Often times they see something in the music or movie that you didn’t realize was there or that they were looking for.

3) Provide opportunities to communicate – I know you are busy…but SLOW down enough.  Most parents couldn’t have a conversation with their teen if they wanted to because most families are passing each other in the drive way.  Take time at least 2-3 times a week to eat together as a family.  Let that be “safe” time to talk.

4) Don’t take it personally – A teenager is going through all kinds of mess.  Hormones are raging.  Personality swings.  Identity crisis.  It is all maddening and before you give me the “I went through the same thing” speech.  Yes, you did and you probably drove your parents crazy.  However, it is different.  Students are growing up faster than ever.  Due to cable and the internet they are bombarded with far more images and pressures to be a certain “something”.  So, when a student yells, “I hate you!”.  Don’t go nuts on them.  Don’t take it personally.  Be the grown up and recognize your teen is going through one of the tortures of life…puberty.

I know a lot of this sounds pie in the sky and your situation is probably far more complex than this can fix but if you can implement just a few of these practices then maybe your home will be just a bit easier.  Feel free to comment your success or horror stories of communicating with teens.

House Divided – Parent response week 1

This month RSM will be doing a series discovering the keys to bridging the divide in our homes.  Most students say that there is constant tension between them and their parents and parents often have no idea how to deal with their teenager.  We are going to explore some ways to help you.

Last night we talked about consideration.  The idea of forgiveness because frankly being a parent is hard.  It amazes me how preachers will say so sweepingly that if you want to learn how to be a good parent just read the Bible…well let’s look at the first few parents.

  • Adam and Eve (the first kids) disobeyed, lied and got kicked out of the house.
  • Adam’s son killed his brother
  • Abram slept with his wife’s maid
  • Abraham tried to sacrifice his son (still not sure that’s a bad idea in some cases)
  • Jacob played favorites
  • David’s sons were rapists, murders and one tried to overthrow him

THESE ARE THE HEROES OF THE FAITH!  If they can’t get this parenting thing right what are we gonna do?  Well we are to model the heart of God…and as you look through the scriptures you find some characteristics of God that make a good parent.  These are the things I’d like you to pray through and discuss with your children this week.

A good parent…

1) Loves

The overwhelming story of Jesus is love.  His love for people and his ability to see through people’s stuff and simply love them.  How are you showing your love for your children?  Are you telling your children that you love them daily?  (1 John 4:19)

2) Disciplines

Sin should always and will always be dealt with by consequences.  Consequences should be fair and consistent (that is another blog).  Rather than react to a situation, sit down with your child and ahead of time inform them of the consequences that will be laid down if they break the rules.  And then without emotion enforce the consequence when needed.  (Proverbs 3:11-12)

3) Forgives

When your child makes a mistake remember they are learning, growing and testing this thing called life.  Don’t lord a mistake over them forever.  Forgive them.  (Matthew 6:14-15)

4) Encourages

I did a poll with over 300 students responding when asked which of these qualities they wish their parents did more, this one was overwhelmingly the most needed.  Students rarely feel encouraged from their parents.  When you held them in your arms when they were a baby, didn’t you have hopes and dreams for them?  Continue to speak that into your teens lives.  Let them know that they can do anything…praise them when they shine.  (Psalm 139)

Last night the students prayed a prayer of forgiveness for their parents, understanding that parenting is difficult and their parents are people too under pressure from the world and others and they prayed that God would/could bridge this divide in our homes.

Parents use this info to begin a dialogue in your home this week.

Victory

You know sometimes in church work (I won’t even call it ministry) we get caught up in the mundane.  It doesn’t matter how big your church is or how busy your calendar is many times it just seems like you are doing “stuff” not ministry.  How many of you spend more time working on sermon slides, pro presenter and blogging than pouring into people.  Now, here is the pathetic confession…I actually enjoy the mundane stuff.  I DO like graphics, service planning, retreat planning, strategy sessions and studying.  However, life change (true life change) rarely takes place during these moments.  We tell ourselves that excellence to details and creativity provides an opportunity for people to stay engaged in our messages.  We use words like creative, relevant and engage to justify countless hours at our Macs.  Now for the really SAD part, even though I see the flaw in this I still plan on creating a graphic for our “Christ Mass” program.  I am currently blogging and I have a strategy session planned for tomorrow night.

BUT, I do recognize that most people are not impacted by that “stuff”.  Most are impacted by love and time.  Case in point.  6 weeks ago a 16 year old girl came to our your program and no one thought much of her (as matter of fact she got into an argument with another girl and one of our volunteers.).  That next Sunday her mother brought her to me and asked if I could spend some time talking to her because she had made some bad decisions.  I agreed.  That 1st session of meeting with her was heart breaking…she was a shell of a girl.  She had been abused, she had been broken emotionally, physically and spiritually.  She was not suicidal but she was numb.  Her eyes were lifeless.  Over the course of the last several weeks this young lady has surrendered her life to Jesus, is plugged into a small group and is pouring into God’s word.  Her mother says she is behaving better at home and school and told me yesterday that she seems like a different girl.  She is.

We need more life victories like that.  We need to see more teens give up sin and surrender to the Jesus that offers freedom.  I need to be better.

Stay One Step Ahead

In my last blog I shared some hurdles that we had to leap in order to keep growing as a ministry.  One of the hurdles we had to leap was staying “one step ahead” in our planning processes.  I don’t think I explained that well enough so I will effort to do that now.

It was 2006 and I was having a hard time breaking 20 students.  I was doing the relational thing, teaching relevant topics but the kids were just drifting in and drifting out.  To be sure there was some impact made but I could tell we were capable of more.  At the time it was me and 2 volunteers.  I was the worship leader, tech guy and preacher (no lie, I had my laptop next to me and would change slides mid guitar strum).  I spent some time praying and white boarding and came to the conclusion that we had to “dress for the job you want not the job you got”.  I went on a volunteer hunt, got a tech director, a worship guy and amped up the environment.  I staffed the ministry with the amount of volunteers needed for my next goal (which happened to be 50 at the time).

Here is the kicker when we got to 50 we met with the team and set up the ministry to reach 100 (our next goal).

The factors included:

  • How many Volunteers would be needed for that number?
  • Is our current facility capable of holding that number and if not how do we adjust or adapt?
  • How does the dynamic of the program need to shift with the larger number?

I remember when we got to 50 students we went away from yelling “Hey guys we are starting!” and went to a countdown.  We taught more from a stage as opposed to walking around.  We began using a cue sheet and more elements in the program.

When we broke 150 students I could no longer see all the students being disruptive (I used to throw paper clips at em.) Now we had to place people in the room to help with disruptions.  Speaking of that when we got to 200 students I began to use a part of my budget to pay for a resource officer in uniform for the campus.  We can’t touch unruly students but he can!

Now we are at a weird place where we are finding it hard to get to the next level.  500 is our next goal but our Church is not growing at the same rate so finding the volunteer staff needed is becoming difficult (50 – 60 volunteers).  Right now we are focusing on internal development, raising student leaders and praying for a new pickle barrel to get volunteers from.

So, that is our “One Step Ahead” process.  Tell me what you think?

Hurdles in growing youth ministries

I did the tacky thing last week and posted our youth ministry numbers on twitter.  I did it because there are many church members that follow me on twitter and I know they would rejoice.  I also did it because it is worthy of a wow!  I am the first to admit that God uses the foolish to confound the wise but to give you a little background I am in Moncks Corner SC, a little lake town north of Charleston.  You may have heard Steven Furtick reference us from time to time (this is his hometown).  Moncks Corner is a small town of less than 10,000 people.  Yet in this small town in a few short years our youth ministry has grown from 30-50 to 350!  We have virtually NO budget, I just hired a MS pastor and our facilities are horrid.  So, that is why I posted the tweet.  The reason for the blog however is that many of you responded to my tweet wanting to know how it happened, how to grow past the ceiling you are in etc…

So, rather than type this out several times I figured I would do a blog or a series of blogs to get a dialogue going.  So here were some of the hurdles for us as we grew.

VISION – Most youth pastors don’t cast a big enough vision.  We simply look to the next step and declare THAT as our vision.  Come up with a goal that is SO God that only he can do it and THEN come up with measurable steps to accomplish it.  In May of ’07 we came up with HALF learn more about it here.

BE ONE STEP AHEAD – We always acted as if we were already at the next step.  What I mean by that is when we were a youth ministry of 25 we acted as a youth ministry of 50.  When we had 50 we acted as if we had 100.  We staffed, programmed and prepared as if we already had that number and grew into that number…rather than always catching up to your ministry you are leading your ministry.

THROW OUT ALL ASSUMPTIONS – When you grow you MUST get creative in handling challenges.  Too often we blame resources, facilities or staff on our inability to grow.  That is laziness on our part as leaders.  We are to be creative and if you are not creative surround yourself with creatives and be willing to do something different.  We have met in a YMCA, a rented office bldg, an old shoe store until we finally got our current facility.  We had over 300 before I hired any help and I have a budget of roughly $12,000 that counts my conference budget, and everything.

When we outgrew our current auditorium we were still meeting 6-12 grades together.  Having to do something we decided to have mirror services on Wed night MS and HS.  I preached 2 sermons, the band performed twice AND we did small groups on Wed nights as well.  It worked and still works to this day.  That was not innovation as much as it was necessity and creativity.

There are a few things that we strive to do around here in youth ministry.

  1. We make sure everything is excellent.  The program, the environment, the volunteers…everything.
  2. We don’t expect teens to act like adults and we don’t expect lost kids to act life church kids.
  3. We preach truth unapologetically and creatively.
  4. This is ALL we do.  (we don’t go to concerts, rallys, fun parks or baseball games.  We have Wednesday night experience, Small Groups and Summer Breakaway…THAT IS IT.)  All our resources go to make that great.

I will blog later this week on another struggle some of you have been asking me about and that is the battle between Evangelism and Discipleship in a large growing ministry. (Hint – I aint got a clue)

Please ask questions, add to the discussion or let me know if you think I am a flipping idiot.

 

 

Sun Stand Still

Few preachers impress me.  I have been in ministry over 18 years and I have been through the Rick Warren and Bill Hybel craze.  I was there when Erwin McManus first got barbaric and Andy Stanley created environments.  I remember when Steve Hill yelled his way through the Brownsville Revival.  Today, I love me some Perry, Groschel and Young.  However, one guy does impress me.  Not only because I serve in his former stomping grounds, Moncks Corner.  Not because I consider his parents great friends of mine…but because he really pushes hard and lives an audacious faith.  That is Steven Furtick.  Now, some will say I am kissing up or courting favor but to those of youI will say I have a pretty good ministry myself and I get my favor from Jesus.

Steven’s parents were in my small group when he planted Elevation and I remember us praying for this little start up church.  I remember being impressed by him as we prayed for God to give him strength because he fasted for 40 days leading up to the launch.  I remember being impressed by a preacher that spoke truth and spoke with passion despite his youth.  I remember being impressed.

After reading Furtick’s book Sun Stand Still a second time I am reminded by some of the things I love about this guy.  I know he is a bit flash and dash.  He has a flare for the dramatic and no grown man should ever wear a white suit but other than that he has some great things going for him.

A few years ago Elevation led a campaign to go Audacious.  That spirit and boldness inspired me to the point of tears.  I remember sitting in my living room wondering where have all the bold leaders gone?  Why weren’t the churches going boldly after their communities?  Why had we grown complacent?  I prayed for that spirit to be planted into me and that led me to our HALF campaign.  HALF was a campaign to after 5 years get half of the students in Moncks Corner into our youth ministry.  We began with less than 50 students 3 years ago we are up to 350 now.  We have 1650 to go.

Too many leaders, pastors, churches take what is given to them and work with it, not even bothering to believe that God can stop the sun if that is what it will take to see his will done in your community.  Elevation is the vision and prayer of a team that believed God for something huge.  You can roll your eyes if you don’t like the methods but take some time and catch the spirit of God communicated by Furtick and see what can happen when you ask God for the impossible.

Guest Blogger – Audra Rheaume

I am blessed with a beautiful wife that loves Jesus, loves our kids, loves worship and is an excellent writer.  God placed some stuff on her heart and I thought it would make a great blog post…so here it is.  Leadership thoughts from Audra.

Lessons on Leadership from the book of Judges

Judges chapters 6&7

Gideon’s story doesn’t make sense – at least to someone who hasn’t read it before. So many times when we read familiar stories, we overlook details. We forget to ask why. We are blind to the context and unwritten elements.

There are many truths in his story that we can live by – God knows who we are even before we do, God can be trusted, He is patient with our doubt, and on and on. However, I’d like to focus on an untold portion of the story. Allow me to set the stage…

Gideon has rallied an army of 32,000 men to fight the Midianites who had been heavily oppressing the people of Israel for 7 years. God tells him he has too many men, so those who are afraid are allowed to return home. Twenty-two thousand leave. The result? An army of 10,000 unafraid to fight! God says there are still too many for Him to receive credit for the victory, so He has Gideon take them to a river to drink a little water. Those who kneel to the water are sent home, those who drink from their hands get to stay. This slims the crowd down to 300.

Here is where I want to pause. God’s purpose in creating this tiny army was to intentionally make the situation impossible. That way the people would know that any victory won was only because God was with Gideon and his men. He wanted all of the credit.

Now, put yourself in the shoes of a man who was cut in Round 2. Imagine what was going through his mind… Gideon called men together to fight. You came. It was the right thing to do, to stand up for your people, your family, your homeland. When Gideon told those who were afraid that they may return home, you stayed. It was the right thing to do! Too much was at stake for you quit just because you might be afraid. You believed in your leader and you stood by him, ready to fight for him. He took you to the river with the other men and proceeded to “dismiss” you based on the way you drank your water. Wait – the way you drank your water!? Listen, you can almost hear it…

“You’ve got to be kidding. You’re sending me home?? But I want to fight! I am ready! I stood by you when those other men left you! I stayed!! I can’t believe this! And all because of the way I drank water!? I didn’t do anything wrong! Why do I have to go? You know, you’re setting yourself up to fail. You are making a terrible decision. There’s no way you can win now!”

And there wasn’t, if God had not been with Gideon. That was the point.

Have you ever felt this way about your leader/boss/supervisor/pastor? Gideon had a difficult job to do. It was hard enough believing what God was telling him (remember the fleece?). Letting people go is not easy. Letting them go when they don’t trust what you are doing is even harder. The men didn’t necessarily know that Gideon was following God’s orders. He must have appeared to be a fool.

Have you been “dismissed” in some way? Relieved of some responsibility? Removed from a position of leadership? Not allowed to participate in some activity that you feel you are most qualified to do? Do you feel you should be allowed to do this thing because of your record, your history with the organization? Remember, folks – it’s not always about you! Those men that were sent home did not do anything wrong! They were not poor fighters. They had not offended Gideon. He had not lost faith in them. And they were not lesser men because they had been cut. The picture was much larger than individual people. God had chosen this as an opportunity to display his might! Stop taking everything personally and find out which role is meant for you to fill in your situation. Work for the good of the whole. Trust that God’s ways are higher than yours.

If you are serving under a Christian leader, you must allow that even when his/her decisions don’t make sense, even when they seem to be a set-up for sure failure, there is a possibility that your leader is doing what they think is right. God has placed that person (not you) in that position of leadership. It is their job to listen for His voice and execute commands. It may or may not be explained to you, but it is your responsibility to follow. Make it a pleasure for them to lead you.

Hebrews 13:17 – Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Ecclesia review

Ecclesia was our sermon series this month.  This series was a look into what the Bible says the church is supposed to be.

Week 1 = Was a night declaring how important it is to tell our story and the story of Jesus.

Week 2 = We looked at the need to take care of those in need.  The poor, the hungry, the children and the elderly.  We launched a new emphasis in Community Impact our local missions process.

Week 3 = We talked about the need for the church to take care of one another and to share each others burdens.  We are a family and we don’t need to go through struggles alone.  We also launched Life Hurts God Heals out of this night.

Last night = We had a Q and A.  It was a risk with 200 High Schoolers in the room to not preach simply ask them, “What do we need to do to make this translate to your campus, home etc…?”  I was a bit nervous about this.  What if they don’t offer anything?  What if they do and it is superficial dribble?  What if we can’t keep order?  However, I felt that if the students didn’t feel that they had a voice in this process they were never going to buy in.

I wish this paragraph started with a tear jerking story how the students “got it” and walked out with a renewed passion to “Be the Church!”  It didn’t happen.  They had some good ideas/observations but overall it was a night of platitudes.  One student spoke up as we were about to leave and made this observation, “We are a big group but we aren’t really together.”  Mind you it was already after 9:00 PM so I couldn’t unpack that anymore but that was the nugget of the night.

However, I would suggest that from time to time to talk WITH the kids in your program not just TO the kids in your program you may be surprised…good or bad.